I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
