My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
