I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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