my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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