I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Panties = found
Randomize
