i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
