Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
