I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
