please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
