I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
