Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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