Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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