dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
