people are starting to question the shark bite story
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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