I just found puke in my bra..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
