apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
