You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
