After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
