I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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