Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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