Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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