did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
