apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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