so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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