i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
