I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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