Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
