We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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