Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
