You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
