literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
