I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
