I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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