My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
