Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
