My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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