I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
