Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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