She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
