Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
