Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
