I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
