I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
