I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
