I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
