Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
