So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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