People in love make me want to vomit
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
