He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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