if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
