whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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