He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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