Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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