So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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